File this one under "you cannot be serious" until we see pictorial evidence, but the North Denver News is reporting that a local man has had thumb-altering surgery so as to better use the touchscreen on his iPhone.

Thomas Martel, 28, of Bonnie Brae, described by the paper as "a big guy" was struggling to use the touchscreen keyboard on his iPhone, so he did what any red-blooded gadget lover would do and got his thumb chopped about to better use the device.

Apparently his opposable digit got altered in a revolutionary new surgical technique known as "whittling".

"From my old Treo, to my Blackberry, to this new iPhone, I had a hard time hitting the right buttons, and I always lost those little styluses", explains Martel.

"Sure, the procedure was expensive, but when I think of all the time I save by being able to use modern handhelds so much faster, I really think the surgery will pay for itself in ten to fifteen years. And what it's saving me in frustration - that's priceless."

We'll spare you the surgical details, but leave you with this - Martel's new thumbs now appear small and "effeminate" in comparison to his otherwise very large hands.

We wonder if Apple will fly the guy out to their headquarters like Microsoft recently did for the oddball that got all the Zune tats?

STORY UPDATE: Not a huge surprise by any means, but the North Denver News has admitted that this story is fake and was merely "satirical social commentary".

Either that, or the more cynical among us may suggest a grasp at a ratings boost for the August "silly season".

The Editor of the rag has stated: "Careful reading of the piece makes it clear to any critical consumer of information that the piece is pure humor and not news or reported as fact".

Link to the full explanation below...