When you get a chance to ride in the actual Batmobile you take it, right? We were offered a ride and deliberated, in fear of having to wear the green panties of Robin. The outcome was inevitable, the experience mind-blowing.
The new Batmobile, featured in the not-so-well-reviewed Batman V Superman movie, was left out with the keys in so we took it.
Alright, we're not ballsy enough to try and steal Batman's ride. In reality Jeep, whose Renegade SUV was driven by Bruce Wayne at one point in the film, gave us access. There were three of these £1 million cars made for the film and one was allowed loose for a morning.
But going for a ride in the Batmobile is half the experience. You immediately need to sit in the car after the sight and sound of it turn your legs to jelly. It's stunningly aggressive. But who could resist giving it a try?
Batmobile: Designed to scare
To call this a car is a stretch. It packs a car engine, sort of, at 6.3-litres with an ear crippling V8 roar. It has tyres, even if they are from a combine harvester and wider than the Joker's smile. It even has indicators. Yes, even Batman needs to refill his utility belt down at the shops once in a while. Not that law abiding lighting is really needed when those indicators are mounted either side of 50mm twin rotating cannons – he's not getting pulled over.
The gull-wing doors, now famous for being ripped off by Superman, flow with the aerodynamics of the armour-plated machine. Air intakes warn of heat danger, right next to gun barrels. There's a step to climb in the cockpit, right next to a sign saying "No step", Batman, ever the comedian. Exposed shocks and engine look great but probably aren't ideal when being shot at. Must be armoured as, you know, Batman doesn't make mistakes.
The entire Batmobile is arched up at the back with dramatic spoilers to hold it to the road, while doubling as a cape-like rear. The fact the front is super low wasn't lost on us as a design point. It's obviously there to help flip other cars or smash through obstacles more easily, something everyday non-sports car manufacturers are really missing right now. Can’t think why.
Batmobile: Ride of the brave
If you're riding shotgun in the Batmobile, chances are you've been in danger and just got saved, so you're shaken up. The last thing you need is a ride in this beast.
Riding in the Batmobile, we imagine, is what it sounds like to stowaway on the undercarriage of a jet plane – right by the engine. Say goodbye to your hearing. And don't expect to understand a word of Batman's dusky tones.
This video doesn't do the sound justice but gives you an idea of how it moves.
The engine is sat high, behind your head and two large air intakes. Instant adrenaline guaranteed from the engine start. Driving along adds another layer.
The ride position is low – not Tumbler headfirst Batmobile low – so it feels fast, really fast. We have no idea how quickly we were moving as Batman doesn't bother with a speedo in this model, more room for weapon controls we imagine.
But despite being 3.5 tonnes it felt quick and, surprisingly, cornered really well. It looks so huge you'd think it wouldn’t handle corners but those stupid-wide-wheels grip to the road tighter than Robin's exposed undershorts hug his nethers.
Batmobile: Get close
Unfortunately, due to his busy schedule, Batman isn't going to let this car loose much again in the future.
If you want to get a look you'll need to go and see the Batman V Superman film. Or show willing to buy the new Jeep Renegade and you might be allowed a try.
The only other alternative would be to build you own Batsignal and hope the caped crusader isn't too mad when he realises your treating him like a fancy Uber.