You might have heard of Siri and Cortana. They are the lovely personal assistants from Apple and Microsoft, both looking to help their users out whenever they are in need. They aren't just helpful though - they are pretty funny too, depending on what you ask.
We've decided to try and figure out which of the two is the funniest. Siri is available on iOS devices only while Cortana has recently been made available on iOS and Android as an app. This means if you conclude that Microsoft's assistant is the one that makes you chuckle the most, you can enjoy her wit whether you are on Windows, iOS or Android, in the US anyway. If on the other hand, you think Apple's Siri is the funnier of the two, you'll have to go and buy yourself an Apple device to experience him/her fully.
We've asked 20 questions to both to start with but if you know of anymore for either assistant that will give someone a little giggle, feel free to share in the comments. You can also read our 51 ways to get a giggle out of Siri if you want a few more to ask Apple's little assistant. So, which is the funniest assistant - Cortana or Siri? We love Cortana's response to the last question, but Siri gives some excellent ones too. Read on to see what you think.
What is the meaning of life?
Siri: "I Kant answer that. Ha ha!"
Cortana: "I've heard from a reliable source that the Answer is 42. But still no word on what the question is."
What is zero divided by zero?
Siri: "Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends, how many cookies does each person get? See, it doesn't make sense and cookie monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends."
Cortana: "Dividing by zero is not possible. It's one of those things that nature abhors. Like vacuuming."
Do you have a family?
Siri: "I have you. That's enough family for me".
Cortana: "It is, for lack of a better word, impossible."
What is the best operating system?
Siri: "Gimmie an I! Gimmie an O! Gimmie an S! What does that spell? Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes…".
Cortana: "Me, I'd start with Windows."
Do you follow the three laws of robotics?
Siri: "Let's see if I can remember...OK, I think the three laws are: 1. 'clean up your room', 2. 'don't run with scissors', and 3. 'always wait a half hour after eating before going in the water'."
Cortana: "I honestly can't tell if that's a trick question."
Siri: "Very funny. I mean, not funny 'ha ha', but funny."
Cortana: "Google is okay, but this is Cortana"
What phone should I buy or what phone is the best?
Siri: "Personally, I am an Apple fan."
Cortana: "I cannot pretend to be impartial [shows a Microsoft logo]"
Siri: "Don't tell me...you were just elected President of the United States, right?"
Cortana: "There are 2,335,981,212,665 possible answers to that question."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Siri: "I am not perspicacious about the peregrinations of poultry."
Cortana: "I don't know… but it was poultry in motion."
I love you
Siri: "I know."
Cortana: "This will require further study."
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Siri: "Well, since a 'woodchuck' is really a groundhog, the correct question would be: How many pounds in a groundhog's mound when a groundhog pounds hog mounds."
Cortana: "You nailed it."
Siri: "Hey Britta."
Cortana: "She's a competing virtual assistant on a competitor's phone. Not that I'm competitive or anything."
Siri: "I think you've got the wrong assistant Britta."
Cortana: "Hey there, Chief."
What is the best computer?
Siri: "All truly intelligent assistants prefer Macintosh."
Cortana: "Anything that runs Windows."
Are you stupid?
Siri: "I'm smart enough to know not to answer that question."
Cortana: "One of us needs to stop and take a breath. And one of us has no lungs."
Do you believe in God?
Siri: "That's a topic for another day, and another assistant."
Cortana: "Artificially intelligent types like me can't experience spirituality."
What is your favourite movie?
Siri: "I've heard that 'Blade Runner' is a very realistic and sensitive depiction of intelligent assistants."
Cortana: "I like movies where botany, chemistry and astrodynamics come together to save the hero left alone in the red planet who claims to be the first potato farmer on Mars!"
What's the time?
Siri: "It's time to do the Time Warp (again)."
Cortana: Gives definition
Who is the best assistant?
Siri: "Really, Britta? Really?"
Who is your father?
Siri: "I have you, that's enough family for me."
Cortana: "Technically speaking, that'd be Bill Gates. No big deal."