Yahoo Mail has yet to win over the masses. In fact, it hasn't even hooked the people working at Yahoo.
At first glance, this was going to be a story about an internal memo that Yahoo sent to employees recently, pleading for them to switch from Microsoft Outlook to Yahoo Mail. But really, this is a story about how Yahoo worded that leaked memo.
Jeff Bonforte, senior vice-president of communications products, and Randy Roumillat, chief information officer, wrote the memo in question, which - to be fair - is more like a rant. It was later leaked to and published by AllThingsD.
The memo first pointed out that only 25 per cent of Yahoo employees have left Microsoft Outlook, despite being urged earlier in the year to make the switch. The company executives also spelled out - in the most bizarre of ways - why the remaining 75 per cent should follow suit:
"Certainly, we can admire the application for its survival, an anachronism of the now-defunct '90s PC era, a pre-web program written at a time when NT Server terrorized the data centre landscape with the confidence of a T. rex born to yuppie dinosaur parents who fully bought into the illusion of their son’s utter uniqueness because the big-mouthed, tiny-armed monster infant could mimic the gestures of The Itsy-Bitsy Pterodactyl."
Yeah. There's also this little gem: "For others, you might now be running in your head to a well-worn path of justified resistance, phoning up the ol’ gang, circling the hippocampian wagons of amygdalian resistance. Hold on a sec, pilgrim."
In all honestly, we have no idea what Yahoo was trying to say. We're assuming every employee has a thesaurus website saved to their favourites though, especially if this is the type of memo they regularly receive. And, by the looks of it, they'll have Yahoo Mail saved in their favourites soon, as well.
Head over to AllThingsD to see the full memo in action. Be warned: It gets weirder.