Not my proudest moment, I’ll admit, but I got into a fight yesterday. Some obnoxious, good-for-nothing, loud-mouth stood up and said the most abominable thing. Out loud. In public.
He said, bold as brass: “Santa Claus doesn’t exist!”
I know, I know, the man’s a buffoon. Us Pocket-Linters know better, don’t we? We’ve watched in awe for the last few Christmases as the Pentagon tracked his progress across the globe in real time. We know he exists - we‘ve seen him.
And besides, I’ve spoken to him. He got his PR people to drop us a line about this new service he’s set up. We only agreed to cover it if we could speak to the big man himself, so despite his frantic schedule, he spared us a few minutes to chew the fat and show off his PNP (Portable North Pole) console.
This Christmas, he’s taking orders for personal messages, which he’ll deliver to your loved ones on your behalf. You can prepare one at portablenorthpole.tv , or download the iPhone app if you prefer.
Quite how he finds the time, we’ll never know.
So there. He does exist. And we can prove it. In a court of law if necessary (he’s already agreed to talk to the judge…)
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