Five best tech-themed World Cup skives
Work, although undoubtedly useful for paying the bills, can sometimes prove itself more than a little inconvenient. Such is the cussedness of life, you can almost guarantee that if there's some kind of fun to be had it's that age-old spawn of Satan that is work getting in the way.
One particularly good case in point is the World Cup, which can often be spoilt by the irritation of the working day. Therefore, we at Pocket-lint have banged our heads together in order to come up with a few suggestions which might help you "stay in" for a few of the more important matches.
A nasty case of housemaid's knee
This one is for those lucky enough to own a smartphone, as it requires the downloading of an app.
The rule of thumb with ailments is the stranger the better, and our example of housemaid's knee (usually caused by too much kneeling and is an inflammation of the bursa ,a small fluid-filled sac, in front of the kneecap) comes right out of left field - your boss won't know what hit them. If you're touting an iPhone there are plenty of apps available which will ensure you're never short of an excuse for bunking off work. It'll also enable you to come up with some original ailments (not the usual cold/flu or, despite being very affective, bad belly). One you might want to consider is the Medical Encyclopedia for the iPhone - it's a free download, so pain-free from that point of view.
The majority of you will, we presume, be on some kind of social networking site - probably Facebook - if you're not we'll come to you in a bit.
The aim of the game here is be prepared, since it's no good just not turning up for work on the day of the match. Once you know your illness and related symptoms, whack a couple of posts on Facebook indicating how sick you are, but soldier on into work anyway. You will have to be careful not to overdo it - pictures are probably out of the question, and it will take a couple of days of good acting - but if you get it right, even if you're not friends with your boss, it's bound to get back to him/her that you've been "feeling under the weather for a couple of days now".
Sick of the sound of your own voice?
If you're not on Facebook and your acting skills are a little rusty, then you might want to to turn to tech to help you out.
Remember Ferris Bueller? The world's favourite skiver used sound effects from his keyboard to help convince folk of his ailments. Nowadays though, with the iPhone platform's many apps, there's a more portable way to do it with the many sound effects apps available. Just one example of many is Abby's Free Sounds, it's fairly limited but offers coughs, sneezes - and if you're really pushing the boat out - a "wet fart".
It's all in the timing
If you can't pull that all important sicky then never fear there are other options at your disposal.
Twitter is a great way to pretend that you're active and doing stuff when actually your relaxing (or perhaps not) watching the football. Using the likes of Twuffer or FutureTweets, or any of the other timed tweet applications for that matter, you can pre-schedule your tweets to go live at certain intervals during the game.
By saying things like "stuck in horrific traffic jam" or "have a mountain of work to get through" and perhaps even "I wish I was watching the football but work is too important to me"" it will enable you to make out that you're extremely busy (but obviously not too busy to tweet) and very dedicated. It could be the ultimate digital alibi.
Always look your worst
Another option is to attempt to work from home on the day in question, which, depending on your job, may or may not be easy to arrange.
If it is possible then a webcam is an excellent addition as you can convince your boss that you want to keep in touch and be as productive as possible via video. This will require you going on the offensive with calls, possibly missing the dull preamble before kick-off to call your boss - if you do it right he will be sick of you by the time the game starts, leaving you to enjoy the game.
Note: This method may require the use of props, such as face powder, eye makeup or perhaps a timely thermometer stuck under you tongue during live calls.
Bonus: Never say die
It may turn out that on the day of the match you end up having to trudge into work, which more than likely is due to a lack of planning. However, with the careful use of the toilet-based technology readily found in the office you should be good for a last minute reprieve.
This is what you do: As soon as you walk into the office act a little depressed and "low", whilst exchanging initial morning pleasentries with a pained expression. Throughout the morning take ever more frequent and extended trips to the toilet until you're ready for your final decisive act.
When you feel the time is right, usually just before lunch, take a final trip to the loo, and find something hot or cold to place your face on in order to give yourself a sickly palour. Adding a few splashes of water can give the impression of sweat, but if you really want to do things right running on the spot for a minute should get the pores flowing.
Then, walk straight up to you boss and in the most sincere fashion utter the words "I need to go home". The rest is easy, leaving you to an afternoon of beer and work-free World Cup action.
Feel free to embellish with the "wet fart" app above if you sense someone is in the toilet with you and good luck.
If you enjoyed this article, then head over to our World Cup Week homepage where you'll find a collection of features getting ready for the 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa.